So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
