you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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