She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
