Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
