I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
