Say something about gay babies.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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