i just wanna soil my oats bro
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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