I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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