I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
