so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
