New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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