Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
