it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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