I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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