his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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