My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
