I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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