I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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