Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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