i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
