like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
