did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
