How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
