I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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