Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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