ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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