I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
