literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
