I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
