Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
