I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
