I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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