Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
