you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
