Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
