I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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