for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
