Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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