Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
