Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
