I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
