Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
