Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
