I love black thongs
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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