Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
