All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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