ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
