i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
