Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
