i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
