just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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