shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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