whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
