it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
